Careers, Good Vibes, Life, Millennials, Overcoming Obstacles, positivity

5 Signs You’re The Reason Why Your Life Is So Complicated

Often times we hold individuals other than ourselves accountable when life is not working out in our favor. When in reality, the individual responsible for your life being complicated is the one you look at in the mirror each day.  Whether you’re in a current state of denial that you are the reason your life is “difficult” or you are slowly beginning to realize now is the time to take action to make your life less complicated, here are 5 red flags that YOU are the reason your life is complicated and that YOU need to make some changes to your life ASAP.

  1. You complain every day about how much you hate your job, but you continue to stay.

If when asked, “What is your favorite thing about your job?” & your answer is “My lunch break and leaving”, you should probably start looking elsewhere. So, you stay because you have bills. Well guess what, everyone has bills, unless of course you are under the age of 18 and still have the support of family, or over the age of 30 and still living in your parents basement free of charge. We spend most of our time at our jobs. At least 8+ hours a day, 5 times per week, to be exact. Therefore, you must enjoy what you do. If you find yourself complaining day in and day out, do something about it. No one is FORCING you to stay at your miserable job. No one is actually “locking you up & throwing away the key”. By staying in a job that you hate, you’re the only one keeping yourself prisoner.

Do yourself a favor, edit your resume, perfect your resume, do some soul searching, and feed your hungry soul by applying to new positions that truly appeal to your passions.

Leave that miserable job and stop complaining.

2)Your list of “hobbies” only consists of going out to the bar several times a week.

From your mid-twenties on, you should by now begin to develop hobbies & interests. If the only thing you enjoy and have fun doing is drinking, your life is going to continue to be complicated. Alcohol is a depressant; it’s not meant to bring you up, although at times, it makes for some occasional great memories and hilarious stories to tell your friends. Save the social drinking for the weekend and spend more time during the week finding out what you truly enjoy doing. Join a recreational sports team, read more books, pick up a cooking class, learn something NEW.

If you keep doing the same things that you’ve always done, you will keep getting the SAME results.

Get out of your comfort zone & discover new things. Only then will your life slowly start to change in a positive manner and become less complicated.

& Perhaps you will even stop meeting “significant others” while intoxicated at the bar, this is another complication that stems from your so called “hobby” of binge drinking.

3) You always try to please everyone and you’re always the YES MAN.

You say yes to things you do not want to do, which ultimately leads to you taking on more than you can handle at once. You often find yourself feeling bad saying the word NO. You get exhausted from the constant pleasing of others, news flash, YOUR FAULT! I cannot stress enough that the word NO should be used in your everyday vocabulary. If you’re always the YES MAN, people will recognize the trait and use it to their advantage. You will always be the last one out of the office, the planner of all gatherings & the driver on all road trips. You will never have the opportunity to be the passenger who gets to sit back, relax and enjoy the ride of life!

Learn to say no when you do not want to participate in an activity, learn to say no when you have a pile of work up to your eyeballs, and mostly importantly learn to say NO for YOURSELF.

Mental health is key people, and stressing yourself out is only going to set your chakras off balance.

4) You seek constant approval on how to live your life based on the opinions of others.

If you never make decisions on your own and often find yourself asking others around you for opinions, this is another reason why you are the reason that your life is so complicated. If someone other than yourself is constantly telling you how to live your own life, it’s no longer YOUR life to be lived, it’s basically multiple people living on your behalf.

Life is about making the wrong decisions and learning from them.

 If you cannot trust the one person who you should trust the most, why should you trust others to help guide your life in a direction that they believe to be the right direction for you? At the end of the day, you of all people should be able to know what the best decision is for you. Life is not supposed to always be easy, but you sure don’t need to make it any more complicated than it already is.

Opinions from others are great every now and then, just don’t ask too many people for their opinions because you will make decisions more complicated than they need to be.

5) You spend too much time with others, rather than spending time with yourself

Human nature is to seek affection and comfort. So, it’s no surprise that we navigate towards spending more time with others than we do alone. This however is unhealthy and the only person it hurts is YOURSELF. When you spend more time alone you will discover that it’s not so bad after all. You may even begin to enjoy spending more time on your own, than with anyone else for that matter.

Spending time alone allows you to think more deeply, connect to your mind, body & soul. When you truly understand yourself, your needs & your love language, connecting with the right people will come more natural. When you spend too much time with others, you focus so much on making a connection with someone else that your unable to connect with yourself.

Seeking constant comfort or connections will complicate actually forming true connections with anyone. If you always feel like you’re going to “die alone”, start by not forcing things to happen, let them fall into place accordingly. Relationships & connections are two things that should never feel forced.

I could ramble on for hours as to why you are the reason that your life is so complicated, but I think #5 is a great place to stop. I hate to be negative Nancy, but if your friends/family/peers won’t tell you that YOU are your OWN worst enemy and the reason as to why you’re stuck in a rut, I’ll do it on their behalf.

I too was once in your position and the sole reason for my seemingly complicated life and wish someone would have provided me the same insight I’m providing you.

I once saw a quote that said:

“Life is a long complicated road, but not if you put an “S” in front of every mile”…

Smile. I know it’s hard sometimes when your life is “complicated”, but make more time to seriously smile and enjoy the beautiful mess we are all, because we are all in it together.

You might not see it now, but there are bigger fish to fry and only YOU can make your own life less complicated.

 

Photo by Jordan Sanchez on Unsplash

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Careers, Life, Millennials, Stereotypes

5 Things “Millennials” want other generations to stop saying:

Let me start by saying this is not in any way, shape, or form meant to offend generations that are not categorized as “millennials”. I’m simply sharing the thoughts of an analytically speaking “millennial” who is sick of being categorized and judged based off an age group that I just so happen to fall into.

(Please, please tell me why you always hatin’?)

Note: Since I’m a “millennial” and all, I think it’s acceptable to toss in a line from a YG rap song, if you don’t know this line, I guess you’re probably not a millennial, so just keep reading.

You see, we “millennials” are not all the same. We “millennials” are some of the most intelligent, creative individuals in this present day.

Whether other generations want to accept it or not, we are here and we are not going anywhere anytime soon.

We are tired of the judgement. We are tired of the assumptions that all “millennials” are the same because our age says so. We are tired of the criticism that we continually face and this is what we want you to stop saying:

1) You’re a “millennial”, so why should I hire you?

This question is one for the books. I cannot tell you how many times this question is thrown around. What does this even mean? What are you insinuating? That because I fall into the category of a millennial that I’m incapable of working?

Let me start by saying that it is proven research that millennials have more student loan debt than any other living generation (google, people, it really works). With that said, millennials are money hungry. We crave more and we certainly are not afraid to work our asses off to prove we are hungrier for more. (Side note) we are the biggest generation yet.

Therefore, we are the mass majority of job seekers in this current time. Need I say more here?

2) You “millennials” are content

As I said above, we have more student loan debt than ANY other generation of our time. SOME millennials might be OK living paycheck to paycheck with debt up to their eyeballs, but I’m simply speaking on behalf of those millennials that are NOT content and don’t want to drown in a pool of debt.

We are always soul searching, seeking better opportunities and creating new innovative business ideas and we will not stop until we bring those ideas to life.

Take Snapchat for instance, do you think a 25 & 26-year-old were “content” when they were attending Stanford University and casually thought up the idea of snapping disappearing pics to your friends? No way. That idea didn’t happen overnight, it was one that took an immense amount of time and effort to think up. Perfect example of not all millennials are content with their minimum wage jobs, or living off of their parents’ money, or working a 9-5 “career” that they do not even enjoy.

3) How is your 3-5 years of work experience relevant to this position?

Well good sir or Madame, or whatever you prefer to be called (since you’re judging us millennials right off the bat I’ll assume you don’t mind me referring to you have your “generation” would), My 2-3 years of experience extends much further when you think about the times we millennials were raised in.

We are technically advanced. We grew up in a time of a digital life. Cell phones, computers, non-disposal cameras and GPS! We do not need to use a traditional map anymore folks. We are up to date on the latest technology, we are excel and word savvy, and we do not still use fax machines (sorry we have actually upgraded to scanning via email). We are simple; therefore, we are here to help simplify life and teach you a helpful thing or two.  Just like your 20+ years of knowledge and experience can benefit us millennials, so can our “3-5” years of experience.

So, grab a pen and paper, and take note. Oh, and by the way some of us “millennial” still like the old school way of doing things too.

4) Millennials think they are “entitled “to be handed everything

Entitled to what exactly? To have a chance to prove that we can be extremely hard-working individuals and want to be recognized and compensated accordingly for our hard work?

Not all of us feel entitled, but best believe those of us who do not feel this way certainly do feel though that our hard work should go more noticed than someone more “experienced” on the job. Just like other generations are adults, we too are adults, and we don’t need someone to constantly hold our hands. We do appreciate words of affirmation that our work ethic is leading us down a successful path and that alone can be enough recognition for us.

A strong millennial knows their worth and value and they appreciate when it doesn’t go unrecognized or unappreciated.

I think I speak for any of us when I say I will never understand how traditional companies will continue to succeed with the mindset that more experience over lesser experience is the road to always travel down.

Being open-minded to trying something new (hint-hint the younger less experienced hire) goes a long way.

Last, but not least (drumroll please…….)

5) Millennials are the future

This one might confuse you as to why we millennials hate to hear this, but let me explain.

By constantly saying this, other generations expectations can be overwhelming to the point that we “millennials” will hit a breaking point of carrying too much weight on our shoulders.

The best thing other generations can teach us is to have us under promise and continue to over deliver. With this concept millennials can continue to think up the next new facebook and let the creative juices keep flowing.

Some of us might fall under the terrible stereotypical “millennials” other generations make us out to be, but for those of us who are just trying to make a difference in this world, stop judging us and start appreciating us. Stop the negativity and look at “millennials” as a positive impact on todays businesses.

I think the saying goes, “There is power in positivity”, and we “millennials” are definitely that, powerful individuals.

 

Photo by Simon Abrams on Unsplash

Good Vibes, Life, Overcoming Obstacles, positivity

The most underrated, free gift life gives us that we often overlook:

Its true when they say the best things in life are free. In fact, the freest gift this life has to offer is often the most underrated & overlooked gift of all.

Time.

Have you ever opened a dictionary and actually looked up the definition of time? To my surprise the definition didn’t align with my original thoughts on time. Typically, we think of time as a measurement of minutes or hours, when in fact time is much more than a measurable thing.

Per the online dictionary:

“Time- the indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future regarded as a whole.”

Without time, we wouldn’t be able to exist, we would just “be”. To exist is much more than a physical being. To exist is to progress throughout life and to constantly evolve as a being and to learn from our existence each day by taking into account that our time to exist will eventually run out.

I’ve come to realize with age that time only seems to speed up, rather than slow down or remain at a steady pace. The days that felt as if they lasted weeks go by in the blink of an eye. The vacations that seemed so long that you couldn’t wait to get back “home”, now never feel long enough.

See the thing about time is that it actually never slows down. It always remains constant. We cannot control time and the fact that we only have 86,400 seconds each passing day, but we can control how we use our time. We can control how much we exist, how much we evolve with time, and lastly how to stop waiting for the right time to take advantage of life’s most precious gift of all.

There is no “right time” to start existing. There is no “right time” to learn from our past to create better futures. Time is a continued progress; therefore, the right time is always in the now.

So stop waiting for the “right time” to make a change. To tell someone how you feel. To start a new chapter.  To spend more time with the ones that mean the most to you. Stop waiting for the right time to simply learn to appreciate the free gift we as humans have been given and often do not appreciate enough.

With each passing day, with each passing second, with no action to exist, you will let time slip through your hands faster than you can blink an eye and be stuck in the past or present.

After all, according to the dictionary time is not a measurable unit. Time is a continual process to create constant existence.

So, start existing. Start creating the right moments, rather than waiting for what you believe to be the right moments, because before you realize that there is no such thing as the “right time”, you will be indefinitely stuck living life just “being” in the present, rather than progressing towards the future.

You might not be able to control when the sun sets or rises, but you can control & learn to take advantage of the greatest and most free gift life has to offer, Time.

 

Photo by Wil Stewart on Unsplash

 

Life, Millennials, Overcoming Obstacles

8 Obstacles Every 20-Something Needs To Overcome In Order To Become Who They’re Meant To Be

Throughout this crazy journey that we call life, each & everyday is another opportunity to grow and reach the full potential of becoming the person you were meant to be.  Change is the only constant entity of life and learning to adapt to change will ultimately help you succeed in overcoming any obstacles thrown your way.

We often find ourselves feeling stuck, especially in our 20’s as life begins to change drastically during these years. From leaving college, to finding the perfect career, to discovering how to adult, your 20’s are scary and you’re going to feel lost at times. You’re going to question who you are, who you’re meant to be and your interests, priorities and friendships will change over time. I promise you are not alone in this process and you will soon become who you’re meant to be when you finally learn how to overcome these 10 obstacles every 20 something individual will come across.

1) Learning to let go of things you cannot control

You’re going to come across this obstacle MANY times throughout your 20’s, but here is the good news, life goes on. You might not be able to align every star in the universe, but you can learn to align the path of your future. For the things you can control, focus on controlling them. If you’re unhappy with your job, leave. If you’re unhappy where you’re living, make that move. If you’re unhappy with your current partner, be honest and move on. If you’re no longer interested in the same things as your peers, develop new friendships with people who share similar interests.

You can at any given moment make a change. You might not be able to control the weather, or the actions of those who will inflict hurt upon you, or the fact that your boss is a miserable jerk, but you can control the outcome of the obstacle you are being faced with by taking appropriate actions.

Don’t get so caught up on what you can’t control that you let it consume who you become.

You’re the only one who can control your happiness and that is one thing every twenty something should take advantage of.

2) Getting out of your comfort zone

Let me first start off by saying, NOTHING good comes from a comfort zone. If you stay where you are comfortable, you will not fully grow into whom you’re supposed to be.

You must learn that difficult times and challenges often lead to discovering some of your greatest qualities and strengths. How will you ever reach your full potential if you always take the comfortable route?

Recently I was faced with the question “if you had 2 routes to choose from, one being easy & the outcome being a great amount of money, or two, the route in which you will face many challenges, but once you come to the end, the reward will be much better, which would you take”?  Without hesitation, I answered the route in which I will face many challenges.

One day I decided to pack up and move across 3 states, I was broke & sleeping on the hardwood floor and had to start meeting people in a city where I knew no one. Some may say this sounds terrible, but it was this very obstacle that challenged me to get out of my comfort zone.

I now needed to go out and meet new people, and believe it or not as uncomfortable as that hardwood floor was, I have looked back on the experience and am thankful that I overcame the obstacle of learning to get out of my comfort zone. The path surely wasn’t an easy route, but I now am successful and have a better appreciation for the things we often take for granted because I learned to stop taking the “comfortable” route.

3) Learning to be comfortable Alone

This is an obstacle extremely difficult to overcome in your 20’s, especially because you’re reaching the age where half of your friends are beginning to get married/engaged or have children and some have settled in a relationship out of comfort and the remainder of those who do not fall into neither of these categories are getting so drunk on Friday nights that they hit up taco bell at 3am still.

The thing is we often do not even realize it, but we spend so much time with others that when faced with spending time alone our minds wander and we feel extreme sadness & loneliness.  How will you ever know who you truly are and what you truly enjoy doing, unless you spend the most time with the most important person in your life, yourself.

It wasn’t until I started going out to nice dinners alone, that I learned it’s not so bad after all and my most creative ideas come from those “lonely meals”. TREAT YOURSELF. I have discovered I appreciate treating myself and do not need others to always do that for me.

When I started spending more time alone, I realized I no longer had the same interests /hobbies, I became more aware of those around me and started realizing I was no longer interested in spending time with individuals who I don’t have much in common with. I let go of friendships & relationships that I was outgrowing. I made myself a PRIORITY. I took certain days to dedicate to ME TIME.

Let me tell you, now that I am comfortable alone, I will never settle for anything because I would much rather be comfortable alone than temporarily comfortable in any given situation.

4) Overcoming obligation

So often we find ourselves doing things out of obligation. We say yes, because we think we have to or because we think we owe it to someone. Sometimes you will take on more than you can handle and one day you will find yourself overwhelmed and breaking down because of this obstacle.

In those moments you can continue to cause yourself stress, or you can learn to overcome the obstacle of obligation by taking a stand.

Say no to plans you do not want to take on, tell your boss you have too much on your plate to handle another project, stop doing favors for those who do not do favors for you, and stop taking second dates when the first one sucked in the first place.

You do not owe anyone, ANYTHING.

 You do however owe yourself a pat on the back for realizing this. Once you overcome obligation, you will feel one thousand times better saying the words NO.

5) Maintaining a work/life balance

One of the most difficult obstacles in your 20’s is learning to maintain a healthy work/life balance. Fresh out of college you come into the work place at the bottom of the totem pole. If you’re a motivated individual, you will want to do whatever it takes to work your way up the pole as quickly as possible.

Sometimes doing too much at work will negatively affect your life outside of work. If you get too worn down from working so hard, you will not feel like doing much outside of the work place. This is UNHEALTHY. This will lead to unnecessary stress, anxiety or even depression.

You need to have fun, let your hair down and stop taking your work home everyday. What doesn’t get finished today, can be completed tomorrow, unless of course you have a deadline tomorrow at 8am, then that sh*t needs completed before you leave by EOD.

Again, DO NOT TAKE YOUR WORK HOME. Trust me on this one. I promise you will thank me later.

6) Feeling like you need others approval

When it comes to making decisions for your own life, you are the only person whose approval is necessary. Having opinions from those who are important to you is beneficial in certain situations, just be sure to only ask for a few opinions when making life decisions. If you gather up too many, you will find yourself confused, overwhelmed and hesitant as to which decision is best for you, and again you are the only one who knows what is best for you.

You don’t need anyone’s approval on how to live your life. If you continue doing things strictly because of what others suggest is best for you, you will never continue to grow and learn what it is that is truly best for you and you will delay the development of becoming who you are meant to become.

7) Fear of rejection

Being rejected is OK and not a bad thing. Being rejected should be a minor setback that welcomes a major comeback. Whether you were rejected from a job you thought you really wanted, or a significant other no longer wants you to be a part of their live, or perhaps you didn’t get accepted to the grad school you applied to, rejection comes in many forms and never brings a good feeling, but once you realize rejection isn’t something to be afraid of, you will be rewarded with something better.

When you’re feeling rejected, pick up the pieces and MOVE ON.

Come back working harder to get into that grad school, realize there is someone better out there for you, keep applying to jobs out of your league and perfect your interviewing skills.

If you let the fear of rejection overcome you, you will continuously fail and again not grow into who you are meant to be.

Life isn’t meant to be easy, things are not meant to come easy and rejection is just another obstacle you will face throughout not only your 20’s, but throughout your entire life.

Don’t be afraid of rejection; believe in your ability to make a major comeback.

8) Learning to live in the moment

Stop planning out your life in your 20’s. Stop Now.

If you put a time frame on when you want things to happen or when you think they should happen, they will never happen.

If you would have asked me at 21 where I would be today, I would have said married by 23, kids by 25. Let me tell you, that is NOT even close to where I am today. I thought I had to have things happen according to my “time line”. I always felt I needed to strategically plan out my entire life for the next 5-10 years and I was wrong. I got so caught up in planning for the future that I stopped enjoying the present. Life happens and when you’re busy worrying so much about the future, you will forget to live in the moment and enjoy the little things. Living in the moment in your 20’s is crucial for your overall development of becoming who you are meant to become.

Some of lifes greatest moments will be the ones you didn’t see coming or that you didn’t plan ahead for. Stop planning and start enjoying the now.

Obstacles are tough, and they are meant to be just that.

If life were easy and every road you traveled down had a reward at the end of it, then traffic would be so backed up because everyone would travel that same path.

Your 20’s are some of your best years, most selfish years and also most rewarding years of life.

The sooner you overcome these obstacles, the sooner you will become who you want to be, who you are meant to be and who you have always wanted to become. Focus on you.

After all, you are the only one in control of your happiness and you are the only one who can hold yourself back from becoming who you are meant to be.

 

Photo by Aziz Acharki on Unsplash

dating, Millennials, Online Dating, Relationships

Online Dating: The 10 Types of Guys You will meet that make the process suck

Thanks to technology, in today’s modern dating world we have access to thousands of potential candidates right in the palm of our hands. Sounds great right? Being able to pick your potential mate at the swipe of your fingers. WRONG. If dating apps were honest, they would have a review in the app store that states: ENROLL AT YOUR OWN RISK, APPROACH WITH CAUTION, App contains excessive nudity, creepy pick-up lines, potential murderers, and everyone is on here for pure entertainment.

Side Effects may include: Flu-like symptoms from inhaling so much Bullsh*t

Maybe you yourself haven’t experienced the horrors of online dating, maybe you or your peers have had exceptional experiences with online dating, but for those of you who have not, here are the top 10 men you will find online apps (according to actual findings):

1) The Possible killer:

You’re swiping through his pics, he looks completely normal, sweet, and he loves harry potter, just like you. Then BAM, the hard evidence arises, a close up selfie of him dressed up like Michael Myers holding a giant butchers knife. Yes, this is real life. This guy exists. You’ve been warned. Someone please tell these men are looking for someone to report them for their excessive creepiness.

2) The “I’m not looking for anything serious guy:”

His profile is strikingly interesting at first. As you continue to read on, you’re soon left with disappointment. “I love hiking, anything outdoors, a few cold brews on occasion, I work in finance, and I’m 28 years old. Not looking for anything serious, just a good time. Follow me on IG: #imabro Snapchat: #FBGM.”

If you don’t know what FBGM means, please Google it now, it’s an essential term when discussing the men you see online.

Disclaimer: Bro, this isn’t tinder, take your booty call profile elsewhere. And ladies, if this man is seen on tinder, you might as well accept the fact that most people are indeed just looking for a hookup here, there are far better online dating platforms.

3) The Serial Online Dater:

You screen shot him & tell your friends about him “OMG his pictures are amazing, he has one with a puppy, a cute little baby, A BOAT OMG HE HAS A BOAT GUYS, TOTALLY SWIPING RIGHT NOW!” A picture with his mom (aww adorbs). Last but not least, the typical adventurous picture, deep in the middle of the Dead Sea on a huge ass yacht with a glass of wine in hand. Basically he is PERFECT, hits every nail on the head. This is the guy you SHOULD left swipe. Why? Because he’s a pro at this, he strategically planned out his profile to lure in his victims. He’s smooth. He is also not looking for anything serious. He will take you out on some expensive dates though. So use that sucker up. He clearly doesn’t mind. Just beware, do not let yourself get attached.

4) The Doctor:

“Finishing undergrad then going to med school to be a doctor, when I’m not studying I enjoy some nice cold brews, working out and I’m super health conscious”.

What his profile should really say is “I’m on the path of being $200,000 in debt, living with my parents in the suburbs and milking them for all I can get until I graduate from undergrad and actually get accepted into Med School. I’m not a doctor yet, but by golly I will be one someday! Also, I get shitfaced on the weekends and eat a ton of pizza to help me de-stress from my Calc 3 courses.

5) The Body Builder/Cross fitter:

“I love to work out 5 times a day, I meal prep every Sunday for the entire week, I eat 10,000 calories per day. If I’m not at the gym, you can find me at home working out to Richard Simons videos (HAHA, not only am I super fit & hot, I have a great sense of humor too), also only really attracted to girls who work out & stay fit, looking for my swolemate”. This guy is the definition of a bro. He isn’t looking for something real or genuine (perhaps some of you are). He is looking for the HOTTEST, MOST FIT, BEAUTIFUL girl he can find to show her off on his IG with his 15K + followers he has gathered for all the fitness hashtags he uses. #FITLIFE #LIFTHEAVYWEIGHTS #GAINZ

Someone who is genuinely looking for a connection does not care if you are not into working out. He surely does not need to specify he only likes girls who work out. A true connection comes from within. #DUHBRO.

6) The Up & Coming Rapper:

“Up & coming rapper, loves writing lyrics, making music, CEO to INTUNEBEATSPRODUCTION. Always about the paper. Follow me on IG & check out my beats: #BESTRAPPERALIVEGETMONEY.” This happens all too frequently. Coming across the up & coming rappers.

We need you to cut the crap. It’s great you have dreams, but unless you have a record label in the making, tell us something about yourself other than you’re a CEO of your own “production company” that isn’t even trademarked. – From Concerned Women.

Let’s be brutally honest here, if you’re even considering swiping right, you‘re certainly not above the age of 21 and thinking realistically. You’re checking out his following game and seeing he has ALMOST 10K followers to determine if you should right swipe for that very reason. Only because you think you could potentially get famous if he does too.

Stay AWAY from these guys. They’re also not looking for a genuine connection. They are trying to gain as much of a following for their music as possible. Take that crap to hotnewhiphop.com people.

7) The “Smooth” Talker

This guy slides in your messages with a supposedly witty comment.“That dress looks great, would look better on my floor though ;).”

Where are your morals good sir? Values? Common sense? No girl is going to respond to a disgusting message insinuating she should take her clothes off at the drop of the dime. When you don’t respond, this guy will drop the, “Oh, you don’t want to take your dress off? Whatever you’re not that cute anyways.”

If you were trying to be smooth, I would recommend never suggesting for a female to remove her clothes if you haven’t even met. Ladies, I think it’s pretty self-explanatory why you should avoid this man.

8)   The Model/Actor

This guy is SUPER attractive. Beaming blue eyes. A six-pack for days. The PERFECT hair. PERFECT white teeth and his style is on point. His bio reads: Actor/Model with Ford with a ton of emojis “describing” himself, and of course his IG account, not included for creeping purposes, but instead to help him gain “followers” to kick off his modeling/acting career.

This is yet another guy you should avoid. If the only photos included in his profile are professional headshots, how can you even know if he is real? No one looks that great on an everyday basis. Unless of course you are Chris Hemsworth, Ryan Gosling, or the Franco brothers.

You get the picture. He isn’t looking for anything serious. He probably came across your feed because he is in town for a quick “photo shoot” and wants a “quickie.” Forget that beautiful face & nice six-pack, left swipe please.

9) The “Out of Towner”

“I travel a ton for work and only here for the next 3 days, looking for something fun to do in this city, let’s grab drinks”.

The out of towners are the ones you WISH lived in your city. They are a lot more attractive than most of the guys you have came across online (of course they don’t live in the same area). All they want from you is to accompany them to dinner/drinks paid by their company card, with hopes to take you back to their hotel. You will not wife this man up, left swipe immediately. The chances of you meeting a potential mate are slim to none with the out of towners.

Last but certainly not least, the final guy you will come across when online dating.

(Drum roll please)

10) The (potential) “One”

This is the guy who is truly looking to make a real connection. He skips the BS.He tells you a little bit about him. He tells you EXACTLY what he is looking to gain from online dating. He doesn’t request you to be fit. He doesn’t post his social media accounts looking for followers. He doesn’t brag about his career. He is looking for something real.

“Family first. Love sports, working out, cooking. NOT looking for a hook up, swipe left if you are. Looking for someone to share this awesome life with & truly connect, no games please”.

Maybe he is not the most attractive guy you have came across online. Maybe he isn’t a model, or dr, or finance guy. Maybe, just maybe, this guy could be the ONE. Message him back. Give him a chance to take you out. You never know just how great something can be until you TRY.

If you always go for the same type of men you have always gone for, you will never know what it could be like with the one you didn’t give a chance too. Out of respect for yourself and all ladies online dating, please, please, please, swipe right and give this man a chance. This will be one online date you won’t regret.

 

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Life

Every Storm runs out of rain

When a traumatic event hits, sometimes we sink faster than the titanic after hitting the iceberg. I say “we” for anyone who has felt the pain, sorrows, & struggles of any tragedy. We tend to let it overcome us in its entirety, sometimes without even realizing it.

We find ourselves blocking out the positives in the world around us and focusing in on all the negativity. We ignore any sunlight that’s trying to shine through the dark clouds. When life shakes us up, we tend to forget just how beautiful this life can truly be.

We forget to breathe.

& Sometimes we forget to put on our raincoats and soon we are soaking in our own struggles.

Maybe, You lost your job. Lost a loved one. Failed that exam. Hurt the one who loves you. Made that mistake. Traveled that path you said you would never go down.

You are not alone and this is your reminder.

Just like the weather changes daily, so does life. The only constant in life is change. When you can accept that, the fifty-pound weight on your shoulders will finally be lifted. The good that comes today, may not come tomorrow, inhale it. The bad that may come tomorrow exhale it. Just like inhaling tobacco from a long drag is harmful for your body, so is inhaling the bad that life throws your way.

If you forget to exhale the bad, it will eat you alive just like a cancer. You will never see clearly and find the beauty after your storms. Just like that weather reporter predicted sunshine, and we got rain, life isn’t meant to always be right. We are given storms to challenge ourselves, to learn from them, and to come out stronger than we would ever be without them.

The storms of life are always temporary & only have the power to defeat you if YOU let them. You are in charge of your own happiness, and YOU are the only one holding yourself back from that.

You will find a better job, you will realize your loved one wouldn’t want to see you suffer, you can re-take the course, you can make amends with the people you hurt, and you can always take the path to a better future. You are not defined by the struggles you’ve gone through, you are defined by the by the strength you gained from the struggles.

You might not always see the entire rainbow, but I promise you, one day you will finally see that pot of gold, because eventually every storm runs out of rain.

 

Photo by Jared Erondu on Unsplash

heartbreak, love, Relationships

An open letter to the one I wasn’t ready for: Response “To the one who wasn’t ready”

First and foremost I want to start by saying I’m truly sorry I was not ready for you.

I understand the pain I must have left upon you, because I felt it just as badly from the moment I admitted I wasn’t ready for you.

I know I convinced you that you were the one for me. I even temporarily convinced myself.

I’m sorry for the apology I never gave you when I said I wasn’t ready for you. I’m sorry for providing no explanation for the sudden pain I left upon you. I’m sorry for building you up, only to break you down once again like others in your past.

Most of all I’m sorry for convincing myself I was ready to love again.

I could see that you were relying on me to make you feel whole again. I have always wanted to be the reason for someones smile. I have always imagined that one day I would be just that. Someones happiness.

I thought I was ready for you. The happiness you initially brought me temporarily fulfilled the emptiness I suffered from my past heartache. When I met you, my insecurities were no longer and the troubles from my past seemed so far away.

They say time heals everything, as you had mentioned many times before, but unfortunately time had not taken its course to heal me and soon enough, my insecurities returned once again and my troubling past came back to haunt me.

 Before you came along, I was recovering. I was trying to understand how I could give my all to someone and it was still not enough to stick around. I thought I finally had a grip on the understanding that perhaps you were the perfect solution to fix my problems.

I have always searched for the perfect individual to make up for the flaws that I see in myself. Eventually, the pressure of needing to keep up with what I saw to be perfection was weighing down too heavily for me to maintain my balance and I fell. Hard. But not the type of fall you wanted. Needed.

You were perfect for me. That indeed was not a lie. I on the other hand was not perfect for you. In order for me to be what you needed, I needed to learn to accept my flaws in order for another individual to accept them too.

Although you were always willing to fully accept the baggage I carried with me, I was not ready to have you attempt to carry it. I was not ready for you to know my flaws existed. I was not ready to admit that my insecurities controlled my life and relationships in its entirety.

You were not the first person I had to walk away from without explanation. You were not the first person who I wouldn’t share my insecurities with. But, you were the first person who was willing to pick up the baggage that came along with me.

You were the first person that has come into my life in quite some time that recognized my insecurities. That recognized how badly I was hurting on the inside, even when I didn’t think it was showing. I noticed that you could see my flaws and how ashamed I was of them. That realization only made me want to get further away from you.

It hurt me to say goodbye.

It hurt me to think about what could have come from our growing relationship. I knew if I stayed, I would have only brought you more heartache in the long run.

I saw in you the kindest heart and the love you had to share with others. You did not see that in yourself and I wanted so badly to help you see in you what I could see.

So I built you up. I told you to be vulnerable, to open up to me and to talk about your previous heartaches.

My intentions were never to hurt you.

My intentions were to set you free from the jail cell you kept yourself locked in all these years.

My intentions were to help you find your way back to yourself again.

You were a caretaker. You even took take care of me. Trust me, I definitely needed some taking care of, but I knew you too needed someone to take care of you. To give to you what I was not capable of providing at this point in my life.

I wanted to be the one you needed. I wanted to be the one who would see you find yourself again because you were more than ready for that.

I know you are now becoming the version of you that you have always wanted to be. I know now that you are ready to share your with someone who deserves it.

I hope one day when I cross your mind that you think of me and smile. I hope you now realize that my intentions were to guide you in the direction of something greater. Not in the sense of a better human being than myself, but in the sense of finding your way back to you.

I may not have been ready for you, but you were always ready to love yourself again. You were on the edge, practically falling and too afraid to jump. So I simply gave you a needed shove.

Photo by Julia Caesar on Unsplash

heartbreak, love, Relationships

To the one who wasn’t “ready”

You took me by surprise, coming into my life at a time when I was still learning to love myself. At first you were sweet, thoughtful, spontaneous and always bringing out the best in me. I felt as if I were finally regaining my happiness back and then you re-broke my already damaged heart (so I thought). They say you should never rely on an individual to bring you happiness in the first place, but hey I’m human, I was blinded.

You convinced me I was what you wanted, that I was “perfect” for you. In such a short amount of time, I opened up to you, after years of being closed off to anyone who tried to get in. I was vulnerable. Ready to let you in, ready to speak upon my feelings of sadness and heartbreak from the past, but then my world was again temporarily shattered. I say temporarily because the heartbreak is never permanent. Time certainly heals all wounds.

I thought I did everything right, for a matter of fact, I know I did everything right. You said so yourself, the moment you let me go. Countless nights of loosing sleep left me feeling rejected, unwanted, like the end of us was my fault. I replayed the way you broke my heart over and over in my head trying to understand where things went wrong. I never understood, until now.

Things didn’t go wrong; they were actually never going right from the beginning. We skipped the honeymoon phase & went straight to the wedding. We got so comfortable together because you too, were damaged from the past. Looking back, I know you weren’t ready for me because you were still healing yourself. I could see it, but sometimes the heart tends to ignore what your head is trying to tell you.

I wanted so badly for you to want me again, to make me feel happy again, to be the person I thought I needed to feel whole again. Now I see, I didn’t need you; I wanted someone to set me free from the things I kept bottled up inside. I just needed you to be the one to finally get me to open up again, to realize I needed to let go of my past. It was time to stop being bitter & to finally learn to love myself again.

You may not have been ready for me, but I on the other hand, was more than ready for you. Not in the sense of being ready for you to be the one, but ready for the wake up call that you brought to me. I needed someone like you to come into my life. I prayed for you for years.

See, you served a deeper purpose in my life than you will ever know. It took me some time to realize that. I confused you letting me go for breaking my heart, but really you helped me make it whole again.

Since you said those words, “I’m not ready for you”, great things have happened to me.

I have finally let go of my hurtful past. I made amends with those who have hurt me and forgave them for doing so. I have apologized to the ones I have hurt, that never got an apology from me.

I have opened up to those around me; I speak my mind and never hold back my thoughts and feelings. I finally tell people what I want. I tell people what I need, and I don’t hold back out of fear of rejection.

Most importantly, I have realized that I am enough for me. I am healed and I love myself again. Every flaw, every being of me, I love unconditionally. One day I can share that love with the one who is ready for me.

It’s OK that you were not ready for me, but I hope that you will be ready for the day that someone else is not ready for you. You will feel betrayed, hurt and question what you did wrong. If I know you well enough, I know you will blame yourself. Go ahead blame yourself, get sad, angry and question what you did. These are normal feelings of thinking it is your fault for not being “good enough”. These feeling will soon dissolve.

One day you will finally wake up and see that you will now be ready to let go of your past too. You will realize you needed to learn to love yourself first before you could share your love with anyone else. You will be honest about your feelings, you will tell people what you want, what you need and you won’t be afraid of rejection. You won’t unknowingly hurt someone else because you now know what it feels like to hear those 4 words.

When the storm settles, and you make peace with yourself, you will finally know how it felt to be in my position. You will finally understand why I was so hurt; why I never understood how I could do everything right and it just wasn’t good enough for you. I hope you make amends with the ones you have hurt and I hope I get the sincere apology that I never got.

I want you to know, I’m thankful that you came into my life. I do not hold a grudge against you and I will always hold a special place for you in my heart. As crazy as it may sound, I’m happy you weren’t ready for me. I’m happy you left me without explanation because you gave me the greatest gift of all, Love for myself.

 

-The one you were not ready for