Careers, Good Vibes, Life, Millennials, Overcoming Obstacles, positivity

5 Signs You’re The Reason Why Your Life Is So Complicated

Often times we hold individuals other than ourselves accountable when life is not working out in our favor. When in reality, the individual responsible for your life being complicated is the one you look at in the mirror each day.  Whether you’re in a current state of denial that you are the reason your life is “difficult” or you are slowly beginning to realize now is the time to take action to make your life less complicated, here are 5 red flags that YOU are the reason your life is complicated and that YOU need to make some changes to your life ASAP.

  1. You complain every day about how much you hate your job, but you continue to stay.

If when asked, “What is your favorite thing about your job?” & your answer is “My lunch break and leaving”, you should probably start looking elsewhere. So, you stay because you have bills. Well guess what, everyone has bills, unless of course you are under the age of 18 and still have the support of family, or over the age of 30 and still living in your parents basement free of charge. We spend most of our time at our jobs. At least 8+ hours a day, 5 times per week, to be exact. Therefore, you must enjoy what you do. If you find yourself complaining day in and day out, do something about it. No one is FORCING you to stay at your miserable job. No one is actually “locking you up & throwing away the key”. By staying in a job that you hate, you’re the only one keeping yourself prisoner.

Do yourself a favor, edit your resume, perfect your resume, do some soul searching, and feed your hungry soul by applying to new positions that truly appeal to your passions.

Leave that miserable job and stop complaining.

2)Your list of “hobbies” only consists of going out to the bar several times a week.

From your mid-twenties on, you should by now begin to develop hobbies & interests. If the only thing you enjoy and have fun doing is drinking, your life is going to continue to be complicated. Alcohol is a depressant; it’s not meant to bring you up, although at times, it makes for some occasional great memories and hilarious stories to tell your friends. Save the social drinking for the weekend and spend more time during the week finding out what you truly enjoy doing. Join a recreational sports team, read more books, pick up a cooking class, learn something NEW.

If you keep doing the same things that you’ve always done, you will keep getting the SAME results.

Get out of your comfort zone & discover new things. Only then will your life slowly start to change in a positive manner and become less complicated.

& Perhaps you will even stop meeting “significant others” while intoxicated at the bar, this is another complication that stems from your so called “hobby” of binge drinking.

3) You always try to please everyone and you’re always the YES MAN.

You say yes to things you do not want to do, which ultimately leads to you taking on more than you can handle at once. You often find yourself feeling bad saying the word NO. You get exhausted from the constant pleasing of others, news flash, YOUR FAULT! I cannot stress enough that the word NO should be used in your everyday vocabulary. If you’re always the YES MAN, people will recognize the trait and use it to their advantage. You will always be the last one out of the office, the planner of all gatherings & the driver on all road trips. You will never have the opportunity to be the passenger who gets to sit back, relax and enjoy the ride of life!

Learn to say no when you do not want to participate in an activity, learn to say no when you have a pile of work up to your eyeballs, and mostly importantly learn to say NO for YOURSELF.

Mental health is key people, and stressing yourself out is only going to set your chakras off balance.

4) You seek constant approval on how to live your life based on the opinions of others.

If you never make decisions on your own and often find yourself asking others around you for opinions, this is another reason why you are the reason that your life is so complicated. If someone other than yourself is constantly telling you how to live your own life, it’s no longer YOUR life to be lived, it’s basically multiple people living on your behalf.

Life is about making the wrong decisions and learning from them.

 If you cannot trust the one person who you should trust the most, why should you trust others to help guide your life in a direction that they believe to be the right direction for you? At the end of the day, you of all people should be able to know what the best decision is for you. Life is not supposed to always be easy, but you sure don’t need to make it any more complicated than it already is.

Opinions from others are great every now and then, just don’t ask too many people for their opinions because you will make decisions more complicated than they need to be.

5) You spend too much time with others, rather than spending time with yourself

Human nature is to seek affection and comfort. So, it’s no surprise that we navigate towards spending more time with others than we do alone. This however is unhealthy and the only person it hurts is YOURSELF. When you spend more time alone you will discover that it’s not so bad after all. You may even begin to enjoy spending more time on your own, than with anyone else for that matter.

Spending time alone allows you to think more deeply, connect to your mind, body & soul. When you truly understand yourself, your needs & your love language, connecting with the right people will come more natural. When you spend too much time with others, you focus so much on making a connection with someone else that your unable to connect with yourself.

Seeking constant comfort or connections will complicate actually forming true connections with anyone. If you always feel like you’re going to “die alone”, start by not forcing things to happen, let them fall into place accordingly. Relationships & connections are two things that should never feel forced.

I could ramble on for hours as to why you are the reason that your life is so complicated, but I think #5 is a great place to stop. I hate to be negative Nancy, but if your friends/family/peers won’t tell you that YOU are your OWN worst enemy and the reason as to why you’re stuck in a rut, I’ll do it on their behalf.

I too was once in your position and the sole reason for my seemingly complicated life and wish someone would have provided me the same insight I’m providing you.

I once saw a quote that said:

“Life is a long complicated road, but not if you put an “S” in front of every mile”…

Smile. I know it’s hard sometimes when your life is “complicated”, but make more time to seriously smile and enjoy the beautiful mess we are all, because we are all in it together.

You might not see it now, but there are bigger fish to fry and only YOU can make your own life less complicated.

 

Photo by Jordan Sanchez on Unsplash

Life, Millennials, Overcoming Obstacles

8 Obstacles Every 20-Something Needs To Overcome In Order To Become Who They’re Meant To Be

Throughout this crazy journey that we call life, each & everyday is another opportunity to grow and reach the full potential of becoming the person you were meant to be.  Change is the only constant entity of life and learning to adapt to change will ultimately help you succeed in overcoming any obstacles thrown your way.

We often find ourselves feeling stuck, especially in our 20’s as life begins to change drastically during these years. From leaving college, to finding the perfect career, to discovering how to adult, your 20’s are scary and you’re going to feel lost at times. You’re going to question who you are, who you’re meant to be and your interests, priorities and friendships will change over time. I promise you are not alone in this process and you will soon become who you’re meant to be when you finally learn how to overcome these 10 obstacles every 20 something individual will come across.

1) Learning to let go of things you cannot control

You’re going to come across this obstacle MANY times throughout your 20’s, but here is the good news, life goes on. You might not be able to align every star in the universe, but you can learn to align the path of your future. For the things you can control, focus on controlling them. If you’re unhappy with your job, leave. If you’re unhappy where you’re living, make that move. If you’re unhappy with your current partner, be honest and move on. If you’re no longer interested in the same things as your peers, develop new friendships with people who share similar interests.

You can at any given moment make a change. You might not be able to control the weather, or the actions of those who will inflict hurt upon you, or the fact that your boss is a miserable jerk, but you can control the outcome of the obstacle you are being faced with by taking appropriate actions.

Don’t get so caught up on what you can’t control that you let it consume who you become.

You’re the only one who can control your happiness and that is one thing every twenty something should take advantage of.

2) Getting out of your comfort zone

Let me first start off by saying, NOTHING good comes from a comfort zone. If you stay where you are comfortable, you will not fully grow into whom you’re supposed to be.

You must learn that difficult times and challenges often lead to discovering some of your greatest qualities and strengths. How will you ever reach your full potential if you always take the comfortable route?

Recently I was faced with the question “if you had 2 routes to choose from, one being easy & the outcome being a great amount of money, or two, the route in which you will face many challenges, but once you come to the end, the reward will be much better, which would you take”?  Without hesitation, I answered the route in which I will face many challenges.

One day I decided to pack up and move across 3 states, I was broke & sleeping on the hardwood floor and had to start meeting people in a city where I knew no one. Some may say this sounds terrible, but it was this very obstacle that challenged me to get out of my comfort zone.

I now needed to go out and meet new people, and believe it or not as uncomfortable as that hardwood floor was, I have looked back on the experience and am thankful that I overcame the obstacle of learning to get out of my comfort zone. The path surely wasn’t an easy route, but I now am successful and have a better appreciation for the things we often take for granted because I learned to stop taking the “comfortable” route.

3) Learning to be comfortable Alone

This is an obstacle extremely difficult to overcome in your 20’s, especially because you’re reaching the age where half of your friends are beginning to get married/engaged or have children and some have settled in a relationship out of comfort and the remainder of those who do not fall into neither of these categories are getting so drunk on Friday nights that they hit up taco bell at 3am still.

The thing is we often do not even realize it, but we spend so much time with others that when faced with spending time alone our minds wander and we feel extreme sadness & loneliness.  How will you ever know who you truly are and what you truly enjoy doing, unless you spend the most time with the most important person in your life, yourself.

It wasn’t until I started going out to nice dinners alone, that I learned it’s not so bad after all and my most creative ideas come from those “lonely meals”. TREAT YOURSELF. I have discovered I appreciate treating myself and do not need others to always do that for me.

When I started spending more time alone, I realized I no longer had the same interests /hobbies, I became more aware of those around me and started realizing I was no longer interested in spending time with individuals who I don’t have much in common with. I let go of friendships & relationships that I was outgrowing. I made myself a PRIORITY. I took certain days to dedicate to ME TIME.

Let me tell you, now that I am comfortable alone, I will never settle for anything because I would much rather be comfortable alone than temporarily comfortable in any given situation.

4) Overcoming obligation

So often we find ourselves doing things out of obligation. We say yes, because we think we have to or because we think we owe it to someone. Sometimes you will take on more than you can handle and one day you will find yourself overwhelmed and breaking down because of this obstacle.

In those moments you can continue to cause yourself stress, or you can learn to overcome the obstacle of obligation by taking a stand.

Say no to plans you do not want to take on, tell your boss you have too much on your plate to handle another project, stop doing favors for those who do not do favors for you, and stop taking second dates when the first one sucked in the first place.

You do not owe anyone, ANYTHING.

 You do however owe yourself a pat on the back for realizing this. Once you overcome obligation, you will feel one thousand times better saying the words NO.

5) Maintaining a work/life balance

One of the most difficult obstacles in your 20’s is learning to maintain a healthy work/life balance. Fresh out of college you come into the work place at the bottom of the totem pole. If you’re a motivated individual, you will want to do whatever it takes to work your way up the pole as quickly as possible.

Sometimes doing too much at work will negatively affect your life outside of work. If you get too worn down from working so hard, you will not feel like doing much outside of the work place. This is UNHEALTHY. This will lead to unnecessary stress, anxiety or even depression.

You need to have fun, let your hair down and stop taking your work home everyday. What doesn’t get finished today, can be completed tomorrow, unless of course you have a deadline tomorrow at 8am, then that sh*t needs completed before you leave by EOD.

Again, DO NOT TAKE YOUR WORK HOME. Trust me on this one. I promise you will thank me later.

6) Feeling like you need others approval

When it comes to making decisions for your own life, you are the only person whose approval is necessary. Having opinions from those who are important to you is beneficial in certain situations, just be sure to only ask for a few opinions when making life decisions. If you gather up too many, you will find yourself confused, overwhelmed and hesitant as to which decision is best for you, and again you are the only one who knows what is best for you.

You don’t need anyone’s approval on how to live your life. If you continue doing things strictly because of what others suggest is best for you, you will never continue to grow and learn what it is that is truly best for you and you will delay the development of becoming who you are meant to become.

7) Fear of rejection

Being rejected is OK and not a bad thing. Being rejected should be a minor setback that welcomes a major comeback. Whether you were rejected from a job you thought you really wanted, or a significant other no longer wants you to be a part of their live, or perhaps you didn’t get accepted to the grad school you applied to, rejection comes in many forms and never brings a good feeling, but once you realize rejection isn’t something to be afraid of, you will be rewarded with something better.

When you’re feeling rejected, pick up the pieces and MOVE ON.

Come back working harder to get into that grad school, realize there is someone better out there for you, keep applying to jobs out of your league and perfect your interviewing skills.

If you let the fear of rejection overcome you, you will continuously fail and again not grow into who you are meant to be.

Life isn’t meant to be easy, things are not meant to come easy and rejection is just another obstacle you will face throughout not only your 20’s, but throughout your entire life.

Don’t be afraid of rejection; believe in your ability to make a major comeback.

8) Learning to live in the moment

Stop planning out your life in your 20’s. Stop Now.

If you put a time frame on when you want things to happen or when you think they should happen, they will never happen.

If you would have asked me at 21 where I would be today, I would have said married by 23, kids by 25. Let me tell you, that is NOT even close to where I am today. I thought I had to have things happen according to my “time line”. I always felt I needed to strategically plan out my entire life for the next 5-10 years and I was wrong. I got so caught up in planning for the future that I stopped enjoying the present. Life happens and when you’re busy worrying so much about the future, you will forget to live in the moment and enjoy the little things. Living in the moment in your 20’s is crucial for your overall development of becoming who you are meant to become.

Some of lifes greatest moments will be the ones you didn’t see coming or that you didn’t plan ahead for. Stop planning and start enjoying the now.

Obstacles are tough, and they are meant to be just that.

If life were easy and every road you traveled down had a reward at the end of it, then traffic would be so backed up because everyone would travel that same path.

Your 20’s are some of your best years, most selfish years and also most rewarding years of life.

The sooner you overcome these obstacles, the sooner you will become who you want to be, who you are meant to be and who you have always wanted to become. Focus on you.

After all, you are the only one in control of your happiness and you are the only one who can hold yourself back from becoming who you are meant to be.

 

Photo by Aziz Acharki on Unsplash

Life

Every Storm runs out of rain

When a traumatic event hits, sometimes we sink faster than the titanic after hitting the iceberg. I say “we” for anyone who has felt the pain, sorrows, & struggles of any tragedy. We tend to let it overcome us in its entirety, sometimes without even realizing it.

We find ourselves blocking out the positives in the world around us and focusing in on all the negativity. We ignore any sunlight that’s trying to shine through the dark clouds. When life shakes us up, we tend to forget just how beautiful this life can truly be.

We forget to breathe.

& Sometimes we forget to put on our raincoats and soon we are soaking in our own struggles.

Maybe, You lost your job. Lost a loved one. Failed that exam. Hurt the one who loves you. Made that mistake. Traveled that path you said you would never go down.

You are not alone and this is your reminder.

Just like the weather changes daily, so does life. The only constant in life is change. When you can accept that, the fifty-pound weight on your shoulders will finally be lifted. The good that comes today, may not come tomorrow, inhale it. The bad that may come tomorrow exhale it. Just like inhaling tobacco from a long drag is harmful for your body, so is inhaling the bad that life throws your way.

If you forget to exhale the bad, it will eat you alive just like a cancer. You will never see clearly and find the beauty after your storms. Just like that weather reporter predicted sunshine, and we got rain, life isn’t meant to always be right. We are given storms to challenge ourselves, to learn from them, and to come out stronger than we would ever be without them.

The storms of life are always temporary & only have the power to defeat you if YOU let them. You are in charge of your own happiness, and YOU are the only one holding yourself back from that.

You will find a better job, you will realize your loved one wouldn’t want to see you suffer, you can re-take the course, you can make amends with the people you hurt, and you can always take the path to a better future. You are not defined by the struggles you’ve gone through, you are defined by the by the strength you gained from the struggles.

You might not always see the entire rainbow, but I promise you, one day you will finally see that pot of gold, because eventually every storm runs out of rain.

 

Photo by Jared Erondu on Unsplash